[Journal]
I have been on a journey. The journey has been very interesting and somehow it seems to have propel me into another level of adulthood . The last time I felt this way was after the birth of V, for she has alone taught me about patience, attachment, character, personality and many more. In my 20's, I seriously don't care about what you are made of, to me is well is just you. There is only 1 choice - Like or dislike . Talk because we click and don't because the person talks crap. That's when we were in our 20's issit it?
As I slowly discover about human nature, life is finding that topic that will transpire and that everyone I meet must have a beautiful story to share with me. It may be now or it may be later in my life. Training the brain to think positivity is not easy but once you embrace it, you see the world differently!
2014
Spirtually
I am a cradle catholic in which I am born/bred into a family of rules, commandments, expectations. My values and ethics are clear but journey with God has been well .... mundane. Just the beginning of this year, someone came into my life and gave me a advice "The reason you have uncertainity is because of your faith in God" I thought about it very often. Is going to church, sharing about his teachings, proclaiming the word enough? Oh I'm terrible at reading the bible, listening to homily makes me sleep and cringe at people who codes bible phrases. But I believe in him in many ways, I enjoy listening to stories of miracles, of being touched by the Holy Spirit, of life changing experiences. Most importantly, he gave me a heart of tolerance of all religion. I don't judge what they do coz I don't know why mine does things in certain ways either!
This 2 months, I finally understood the term "WALK IN FAITH" In recent months, I no longer beat myself for my happenings in life and have learnt to send those problems that is not within my control up to him. I can tell you I don't fret about issues much, yes there are things that bother but I no longer think about it for days or have sleepless nights fretting how to solve it. The feeling is just amazing!
Journey with Faith is for one to walk through and is not something that can be taught. To think that few years back, I heard a sharing on this and was thinking "siao one this person" but here I am writing about it now hahaha!
Motherhood
I absolutely love motherhood. if you have been reading my blog from the past, you will know how much it has changed me as a person. My children are a constant reminders that life is beautiful. Crafting a career for a person who uses her heart is challenging. Many times, my heart cries louder than their cries and it hurts not physically but very much mentally. You start to question your actions and doubt the choices you make. But at the end, my story to all mothers is that I chose to tell my children how much I love them vs telling how crappy they make my life by their constant screaming, fighting and sorrow crying. Nagging is not my forte and I do not enjoy doing that. So I hug and kiss them way more than they enjoy their mummy squeezing them and smothering them with kisses.
There was 1 day that V told me "But mummy you don't do anything, you just go drive here/there and go office" I was taken aback by her words and looked back at what made her derive at this statement. Okie I admit I don't do housework, don't cook, dont feed them medicine, may not be there to bathe/ put them to sleep daily, don't comb their hair, don't make milk daily.... hahhahah Then I realised why she said that. Is motherhood really about all these physical work? I have no answer for that. My child may never understand the work I do at this point in her life, but I just have to carry on. The day will come like how her father saw and understood, the dynamics of my role. For now, I just treasure the flexible time that allows me to see my children in the positive light that I am given. To be given a platform to have conversations with her and guiding her to achieve potential. To be able to hug and kiss my babies umpteen times because both of them don't push my buttons daily to irk me.
Leadership
Career has been propelling me further than I have ever expected. The ability for me to handle humans are extraordinary. To train to see the best in a person and to control emotions has been quite a journey. Decisions made are not to benefit them but make them better in what they do. I am a sensitive person and this allows my radar to be on alert most of the time. Training my mind not to look at the problems but how to identify the opportunity the issue brings is something takes time to impart! To learn that you are not the most important but they are. Leaders managing leaders has been so darn interesting! You think managing people is a toughie, try handling leaders! Leaders have desire to be someone and that makes that stubborn in many ways hahhaha. I know coz I am one!
The message has been clear, the journey to start writing my inner thoughts, struggles and truimph. By my sharing I know the message will reach to the right people that needs it most. Book writing I am not sure but I have enough stories in my life to inspire. 
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