Many times I have come across mummies telling me how they execute their training by squishing that cane. It was at that many times I wondered if I made the right choice by NOT using it. Positive reinforcement using praise and sandwiching praise is one of the longest process in the parenting world.
5 Years ago (close) I made that decision not to hit, whack, cane my children. If you ask me if it was easy? I would say nope.. it has to be my hardest. It is way more hard when V was at 2 years and my in laws bought their 1st cane to cane my child. It was my MIL way of disciplining ... apparently. She took it to "scare" my child ~ So they always say. I saw it and hit the roof! Like literally. I was almost close to being berserk to see how can anyone decide how to discipline my child. The mayhem I caused and the sarcasm that came out of my scorpio's mouth was ruthless. Well, they got the hint and eventually it (the cane) went missing.
I cringe at the thought of the cane. It was my form of punishment when I was young. I went to school with scars across my legs and arms. I HATED it. It was in the parents opinion.. re-educating me. But in the midst of re-educating it scarred my self esteem. I never understood why the need to re-educate when they were the ones who - well, educated me? Why must it be me and not them that needs re-educating? A child before reaching self independence has only their parents' love and warmth. Whatever the child knows come from them . So why the need to whack?
I never understood. NEVER.
When my MIL had that cane and hit the sofa, claiming to train my child. I stood and freeze. Before I went berserk, I asked why the need of that action? Something about the child not listening. Now, the child can barely understand a proper conversation and she is supposed to understand your instructions? Come on! It always starts with a hit on the diaper, slightly on the sofa, then the legs of the table then one fine day, that cane swooshes across the leg of the child. When that happens, the child cries and then what? The person that was using the cane will cry and apologise. Then seriously why bother to even start on it? Don't let me start on those days when the parents are in a bad mood and the child ends up with 3 on the legs and 3 across the arms. Victorious? I am not so much into such trophies. *flashback 30 years
I am not saying I am any good when it comes to parenting. But I hardly lose my cool mainly because its easier to control MY emotions then my young child's emotions. I am the one doing time out instead of the child. Yes, I raise my voice coz V tries her luck at times. Like insisting on doing something that minute- like colouring a picture we are to leave the house when she has been up the last 2 hours sitting in front of the TV. Stuffs that I find so silly, but the child just love to press that button don't they?
I have caught V hitting her sister a few times. She gets irritated and her initial reaction was to hit her sister. I swear I TOTALLY understand how that feels. I am sure there are people in this house who have hit her without me seeing it just because they know I am so anal about it. But in the midst of Baby Kate being hit and V getting upset, I seem to be the only person who can look her in the eyes and say "I don't remember ever doing this to you, may I suggest that you should never do that. Just because I don't "Interestingly, V has started being aware of her actions and I have seen her practising self control.
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