Me: I like to be able to spend more time with my kids especially in their early years.
O lady: When u were working, were u earning quite a bit? $3k?
Me: Quite a bit.
O lady: Why so STUPID? You should get a maid to look after ur kids so u can go back to work. So STUPID to stop work.
Me: It's a personal choice.
O lady: Why no choice? Cannot get maid ah?
Me: I said PERSONAL choice.
I read this and it got me thinking... thinking while I was bathing, thinking while I was driving, thinking whilst I was in my meeting and eventually it became a sleepless monday night JUST BECAUSE I freaking need to write down my thoughts! The fingers were itching to type, the mind just need to offload!!
This topic is somewhat touchy and I thought about if I should blog about it. Reckon at the end it will always be an open ended question. So if it pricks you, it could be something that has been bothering you for a while now. I may just open an pandora's box - the box of that question, "Should I stay at home just for the children?"
In my line of what I do, I am surrounded with women.. somewhat will never thought to be. Just because I never have loads of girlfriends, the percentage of guys friends usually outweigh the girlies. When I was young, I couldn't stand having a lot of girlfriends.. just felt that it was too much emotions, gossips to deal with and there are constantly too much jealously. Omg, just too much. Guys however where much easier to deal with- its either a yes or a no, like or don't like. Their formula were a lot easier and way more fun. But as years go pass, after I became a mother, the infinity amongst us were just loads more fun. The bitchiness will always be there, the jealously - loads, oh then the comparison.. omg!
I have loads of empathy for mothers, its a big hat (or was the term shoes?) to fill in. SERIOUS! The juggling of duties, roles, mentor, the tolerance of naggy children, the constant laments of girly girlfriends. As of now, as I have sneaked out to write after feeding my boobs to the baby, I am stuck in the dining room with my FIL watching a documentary - DEAF. If you don't understand, he has his volume too loud.. it disturbs my blogging thoughts (as of now it a war documentary so it has been "bang bang banaanaaag bang"). I can chose to blog in the room since I am on a laptop, but if i do so, the husband will fall asleep in front of the TV while baby sitting the baby- just because I am there. Eventually, I am stuck to the baby and no blogging is done. If you realised, my blogging has slowed down a lot. Just because I do not have a conducive environment to do so. The house is dead silence at 12am and by that time, the blogging bug would have decided to sleep.
Reasons, don't we all have reasons? I have someone working with me, who decided to resign from her job to spend time with her son and decided to chose to be in the business with me. The role of a mentor is never easy, I have been blame for the lack of their sales. Ya serious, my fault! Why? Just because they chose not to work, or gets rejected, I get scolding loads. But hell ya, I'm pretty much used to it. Back to the story... she wants to be successful, but she ends up blaming her son for her lack of success."No one can help me look after my son, no one can pick my son, my son is not eating and so I must be home to watch him eat, my husband is busy I have to stay at home to watch him." Eventually after 10 times, I stopped asking. I stopped asking for anything, then she text me to tell me she is emotionally drained that she cannot lead her team. I was like WTF? of course... I mean I didn't text her that, I just felt that way.
I am very supportive of SAHM, FTWM, PTWM.. whatever you chose, it is always the best for the family. But, the child is never your excuse. THE CHILD IS YOUR REASON. I don't understand why do parents have this mentality to "My child doesn't eat- my MIL cannot make good food" "My child is so naughty, my maid spoiled him" Ermm. serious? (Finally.. My FIL got the hint and turned off the TV, yea quite the smart man, issn't he? I guess my typing was going vigorously that's y!) Back to topic, argghh what was it?
Oh ya.. please mummies, get an alternative something. I don't believe in helpers, yes even though we have one now. I lived my 34 years without one! But staying with my in laws, that extra pair of hand is really important. My helper drives us insane usually, 2 days ago, I found her recooking a pot of burnt porridge, she feeds Victoria, Kate's milk, she feeds Victoria, Baby Kate medicine. Yeah I can go on, but we still thank god for her. But she is my go to person when I want to sleep 1 hour longer. That, I am thankful.
Parenting is a long road, love yourself before you get to love someone more. I come across many mummies, me guilty as charged ... who has that desire to want some ME time. Oh trust me, with 2 children, Wa the car gets so noisy. Just that day, Trev asked me why was I so quiet in the car? I said, " I cannot hear myself" With baby Kate growing louder each day, oh may I add, she found her screaming voice. *rolls eyes. I did mention before I deal with 2 loud dogs, 1 MIL and her twin sister, my SIL, the helpers and Victoria. The house is always full of chatter (LOUD), yes for me it torturously for I thrive in a ZEN environment. In order to get attention, Baby Kate decides to scream. Yes real fun... :(
Back to topic, suddenly this post doesn't have a topic. hmm... I wasn't sure what was my focal point. Something about having a purpose.. yes. PURPOSE, our main purpose is parenting. But during this point about parenting, I don't believe in what the old aunty words on why that mummy is stupid. Stupid in what sense? in the sense that she forgo her opportunity cost to watch her children grow up? or in the sense of lack of money? I am not sure... the trend of mummy changing their careers for the children is amazing. Just that day, I interview a mummy, has PHD in nutrition who wants to work with me. Ya, I'm not sure if my line of works suits her, but if she wants to learn about balanced priorities, she sure came to to the right person :D
Today, I dropped by my girlfriend's house to see the new baby. She was ranting for 2 hours, yes I let her rant. Anyone in confinement is the queen in my honest opinion. Her husband, despite her doing her confinement was clubbing and disappearing, just because she has a nanny at home to help her. I mean he is not fooling around, just needed some space. She nags at him and he says she is mad. But it got me and Trev wondering, priorities seemed wrong isn't it? For us, we were at home daily just watching Baby Kate growing bigger each day. That was joy, not drinking outside, but to each his own, isn't it?
She started telling me about her MIL who was not a happy person to see people more successful than her own children. I am a simple person, I don't get jealous or particularly happy when people get really successful. I will be genuine happy when a person is successful and has a great marriage with children. I envy such families. In fact, these types need supportive friends, just because they deserve it. Just 2 weeks ago, I recruited someone who works in XX company and the mid level to top level management staff cannot go home until the MD leaves the office. That is usually 730-8pm!! Imagine your life is controlled! The brand started from a small salon and eventually now a multi million dollar company... both were a couple with the same goals. Eventually, now, the wife sits in office and returns to a empty home because the husband is constantly busy. She holds management meetings dinners in her mansion, butler, chef and all... just because no one is at home. Poor thing? What say u?
Okie, I'm happy now that my mind is empty, thanks for taking your 5 mins to read.
1 comment:
Sigh, all about balance isn't it? Different people balance things ...differently.
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