Energy Charging

This week has been… how do u say it? Deflated

I tried many ways to get the energies up but it just will not go away.  I dread days like these because I need to seek solace and not be around humans.  The last time this happened I took off for 10 days to Europe and the last before that I checked in to a hotel- slept. The urge to F off has tone down a lot now that I know it is just about adjusting. Being me, giving myself out takes a big chunk and working at top speed always makes me forget the most important part – ME.

These last few days have been well… silent. No chatting about life or whatsabout, no songs singing, no removing myself. Gathering sucks because I will sit there and not say a word – thank god for the phone where I can just act…. busy.   The family knows it and respects me. The husband gives me this space and doesn’t talk to me but the children are constantly bickering “My mummy, she is MY mummy, My Mummy not yours but My mummy” it irks me cause I am not yours, today I just want to be me. I don’t belong to anyone but me. These are days I want to enter into an empty house and sit there, watch stupid series without the need to understand it.

I sort of knew it was coming because I walked back from the MRT at 11pm enjoying. 3 freaking times this week! Moonshining is great for the soul and soaking up the mysteries of the night is very exhilarating… for me.

I am mystical like that. 

I have tried everything that normally worked, did not – short of sitting under a tree and this – Blogging. I am already on an upward movement after church yesterday so am surging it up further. This weaving in and out of roles and balancing my Emotional Bank Account has fulfilled most aspects of my life and writing this is suppose to help me with me.

This is my way of charging. People who works with me knows my quirky ways of recharging and they play along with me too. So is East Coast on a Monday to soak up the morning sun. They were kind to help me pull out moments that exceptionally drained me this week but most of all they said 1 thing that I believe got it. “Flo, You haven’t stopped”