It is one of those days I'm feeling down... I'm in that "You want to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it's like you will never get the answer" type of days... Normally on days like this in the past, where the clouds are dark; would be my clubbing times where I go down my booze, smoke a pack of ciggies, socialize, have that occasional dance and come home gay. But today, I just blog....
Mainly because I don't know what to do except looking after my baby... then these are the days when you feel like "what's your worth?"... kudos to mothers who stay at home all these years, honestly, it takes a great deal out of a young lady like me.
I have absolutely no idea what to do in Singapore.. I know the streets of London and New York better than I know Chinatown or Little India. I miss the shops I frequent, the food I crave. I roam the streets of the world when I was a mere 18 year old girl and really, Singapore is really foreign to me especially now with an active baby. There is absolutely no motivation for me to go shopping and I have resorted to shopping online!
People ask me why I don't hang with mummies who have babies the same age as BB [V], I kinda don't know how to answer them. I like to be comfortable with people I hang out with and I have a very flowery way of expressing myself which can be very offensive to some. There was once in class I was asked to explain myself in a sentence and I wrote this:
"Fun loving personality with the tendency to use flowery language as my adjectives."
I can't change!! I love to pepper my sentences with the wtf, wth, etc, I try not to use them but very difficult you know. I stop short and can't express myself and end up being stupid! like duh? what a dumb chick? Then I end up being too plastic and I dread myself for changing to this superficial bitch, darn! Not that I'm not bitchy enough. I don't like to behave not like myself and put up a front. Like a lady drinking tea! and speaking queens engirsh???
So its just me and BB[V] most of the time. Then there are days where my wonderful girlfriends are always in town and we go out. The best part is that they are so used to my verbal diarrhea and Oh Yes, they don't flinch.
I'm getting a little out of sorts and I need a break. A break from the oh so boring Singapore...
Think I'm feeling like this cause DD T is so bloody busy with his work, flying so often now.
5 comments:
i would be glad to meet you one day to see how flowery you can be. :P...cheer up girl...know what you mean...
I love this post. It gives me a better feel of who you are and I gotta say, you're my kind of gal!
I absolutely understand what you mean about not being able to let loose and be yourself. And about who to hang out with - sometimes I feel like no matter how I try, I gotta accept that I'm just not on the same wavelength as some other new mummies. No worries, when the dust of new mommyhood settles, and we've made all our adjustments, we have a clearer picture of what works for us and what doesn't. It's all part of the process. Chin up, woman!
Flo:
i think i understand what you are going through. Sometimes when i am at home with baby, i also hope someone can be there to have a little conversation with me. You know, a real conversation rather then just talking to baby.
I love being myself too, however i can't most of the time as my in laws are staying with me and there is no moment where i felt totally at ease with them in my house. After 4 years of under one roof, things still dont seem to improve. Sometimes i also wonder is it me?
Find someone to help you look after bb v once in a while, i feel it will be good if you can have some 'me' time. Going out alone can be fun too, i like to just go to the beach and read a book.
Cheer up babe!
Ooooh so totally what i'm feeling too... mentally exhausting at times! ok... dropping a short note. wanted to say more but on a time crunch! Talk soon... Keep blogging babe!
The beautiful thing about this blogging world is or when i read your blog is, i go... aaahh thats exactly how i feel but i just dont know how to express it or simply no time to blog about it.
being a sahm is NOT easy. like you said, it takes a great deal out of a young lady. Yes! i totally agree. at the end of the day, you are completely worn down to the ground.
but flo, you are in a better situation than me. you can easily take the cab to orchard road with baby and go for retail therapy. for me, where to go? mountains, lakes? haha! i can keep my money lah fly to singapore. here vanity level is very low! my mac lipstick still can tahan for many many months. and no need to buy anymore LV bags for me. cannot show off. haha! go moutain climbing with LV? that will be a bit errm funny.
like your husband, my husband flies out every week! he is so busy with work, i manage the household alone. tiring and madness right? can go mental! we women are strong.
but important thing is, let us not turn out to be frumpy housewives. haha! so, lets keep entertaining each other in this bloggerdome!
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