My Thoughts (Day 5)

Thanks for all the kind words

Oyster: Great to be able meet up.

From a scorpio to another I believe you truly can understand what I mean for we always have this affinity. Though I may not be as fluent in my hokkien flowery type but just loves to pepper my sentences with words that people will frown upon. That day I let slip of some words while talking to some mummies and acted nonchalant about it and you should have seen their expressions. From the corner of my eyes I could see one cringe, one's eyes were wide open, another open her mouth pretty big.

I know not every one behaves or talks like me but it will be nice to be around people where I can be as natural as I can.

Pinkie: Am I your kind of girl? *blushes*

I'm at this crossroad at finding my identity: Then I go and try to model myself to those mummies who survive on a 1k pay and yet able to do so well in giving their children the best. Many times I read on how they can stretch their pennies by going to sale or go grocery shopping only on certain days cause of promotions and I try to follow. Then the forum is such a bad influence as there are always things to buy or on sale and thats where you go off track. There have been many squabbles with DD T because I want to buy this or go this sale just because someone mentions that it has good deals. Of course there is only so much the husband can take and when I do my self reflection, it soon dawns on me that this is not what I want; as a mother or a wife.

Like how a husband is struggling dealing with his new identity, a new mother shouldn't falter becoming obsessive with money and demanding that the child gets this because of peer pressure. The husband is wondering why am I trying to save that few pennies and behaving like we are struggling to live a life. To me I thought it was the right way of becoming a SAHM, scrimping and saving. But after some arguments and some thoughts on my part, I realized that I am not only changing my role as a wife he married, I totally am NOT Florinda.

So after clearing up my thoughts, I decided to live back the way as a person he married and a mother that BB[V] can model after. That is one who shouldn't fret about how much I can save on her diapers but I should let her use the best I can afford. I shouldn't cope myself at home just because I think I can save a bit of money but enjoy myself like how I was before I had her; living a high life.

In the end I realize that my husband's duty is providing me with whatever he can offer me. Though I think the mummies in the forum are awesome in their ability to save money but I guess it is not me... nor DD T.

Wawa: Tks for dropping me a note

I absolutely love the idea of reading a book something I have put off for like 8 months. This is something I really enjoy as me time but just that the last few topics I have been reading are all about babies. I have a stack of book that I need to continue or should I say RE start the reading again. I may take 3 days off next week to drive to the beach and read a good book.

I know it is not easy staying in the in laws as its never your own, though they are excellent help at times but more often than not, they are included in your displeasure of the not so great arguments. I do at times detest going back home or to my in laws as they always have so many things to say. Simple thing on how I feed BB [V] is a topic for them to rant. It maybe out of goodwill but in my eyes it has become a rant. Mainly because they don't stop. Yes I love them, but sometimes I get greater pleasure talking to my princess.

Ophe: I believe you are just as bad shape as me. Both no help, both breastfeeding, both husband busy busy.

Diana: I AGREE I'm in a better situation than you.

I paid your blog visit that day and was overwhelmed by your post on your travel from Norway to Singapore. The many flights and the kindest people that you met along the way, I was like teary eyed by the time I finished the post.

Again, can adjust your blog, so that I can drop you a note k...

Zarie: You are ending your hellish 3 months soon... hang on

1 hour was all I had from 12-6am everyday. For it was pump milk, feed milk, pat to sleep, wash up,close eyes then its wake up to pump, feed, pat,wash, close eyes... It was plain rough as DD T can't wake up to do the night feeds, so in the end I will take many naps in the day with BB [V]. Resorted to carrying her to sleep for there is no point in putting her down as she will stir. Many will frown on this practice BUT many do not look after their baby like us, 100% hands on with out help, no maid no family.

So hang on there... it gets better