march....

Im so glad February is over!!!

Never in my life would I think that I would say that... but omg Feb was just so cmi.

I got sick at about V's birthday and it stretched to Feb, which means I was out for about a week, then came CNY and I lost another week. The week after was V's school and she didn't settle in much which made me not work for the 3rd week.

Total of 3 weeks was out and I just couldn't pull myself to do anything despite I'm in my middle of my director in qualification which means I have to be on the ball! *wails Then I had to conduct a office  course which has to be evaluated and that took 3 days.... I just couldn't pull up self out of this cmi feeling, but I had to be discipline and work.

Thank God for re-orders *swear...  I remember one day I came home and sat down with DD T, told him I have a very heavy heart... he looked at me and said "it will pass" I had sleepless nights and fell sick again (short bout which I think is stress) made a call and attended Adam Khoo preview talk - I had to get my thoughts sorted out cause I was in panic mode as I never went through such a long time to pull myself out.

DD T refused to go with me, though we are going for the Silva Method tomorrow (cant wait!) So AK's talk was 3 hours long and he is not too bad a speaker, very textbook; brought me back to what I studied before and basically had more real life experiences example. I'm sure the program will be very good as its a detailed program, structured to tell you how to be constantly motivated. If u have $3.1 k and 4 days to spare :)

Anyway.... what I wanted to share is that I finally found out why I was feeling this way. GUILT -there are times where people have all sources to succeed but can never be coz they can never let go of something. For me, it was because V was starting school ... I felt I am needed to be by her side everyday just to see her go through it!!! Which was true coz I stayed at home everyday, making it a point to pick her up everyday, spend time with her, shower her, feed her etc. Besides the appointments that I have to be there, I just stayed at home. While being at home, I hardly made calls coz my mind told me not to do so as V needed me. That I should not get into the momentum that will take my time away from her which is why I never got into doing anything.

Like OMG lor... my guilt was creating patterns in my mind. I was falling into depression... my brain my brain! hahaahaha swear it was a calling man. But of course I wouldn't just pull myself out, I ran the pattern in my head to get out of it on 28th feb. I gave my brain that timeline...  despite all that drama in feb, I passed my 2nd month of DIQ. The power of the mind! I'm just happy its march hahhaha